I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
