OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
