I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just had sex bonerless
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
