I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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