My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
