Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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