She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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