Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
my liver is dry heaving
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
