i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
