he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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