I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
