I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
