Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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