so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
