Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
