I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
