He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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