Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
When are your genitals available?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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