he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
