Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
