can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
How naked do you want me to be?
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