why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Pants are for mortals
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
