I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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