Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
