so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
