Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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