I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sorry about my life...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
