I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
