found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
