You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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