saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
