I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
