Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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