I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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