you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
