DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
