I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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