Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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