$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
