Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
