a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
