I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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