I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
