You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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