just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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