I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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