i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
