cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
