He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
