VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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