im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
